Our traditional “Senior Dinner” (held on April 28th) begins the official time, to my mind, of the school year starting to wind down. We start in the gymnasium for dinner and conversation, and we move to the auditorium for advisor testimonials limited to 100 words each, and conclude the program with a “Then & Now” slideshow. The evening sent parents, faculty and students alike off into a warm spring evening with heightened awareness of growth and gratitude. I had the pleasure of convening the gathering with a few words, as follows –
At the end of March I had the pleasure of spending some discussion time with your children – our seniors. I wanted to ask them a few questions about their life and times, so to speak. I told them they are experts on a topic I care deeply about, and that is – what it means to be a senior at our school.
My belief is that our seniors know things we need to know to continue to improve as we live our mission, and I asked for their help in responding to a few questions that would help me think further about our school, and what it means to be a senior at Derryfield. And finally I believe, that if Derryfield has taught us anything, it is that you have to keep asking in order to keep learning.
I don’t have to tell you about the transitions you – and now I am talking to both parents and students - are on the brink of . . . Meaningful change in the realms of
· Roles
· Relationships
· Routine
· Your Sense of Self
So I asked our seniors three questions –
· What have you learned about yourself at DS?
· What do you need to do or learn in the next few months before you go to college?
· What do you hope for in your relationship with your parents in the next few months?
The ground rules included anonymity – it was more about listening for themes from the group than any one perspective – and that I would share what I learned with you tonight.
And this is what we discussed.
What Have You Learned About Yourself @ DS?
· Small class size matters, and the student-teacher relationship matters, providing the teachers are great.
· We are looking for fun, interesting and engaging teachers because that is what we have at Derryfield, and now we will always want that.
· We learned how to shine, how to make ourselves known in a community.
· We have learned how to be outspoken on matters that are important to us.
· We have learned that learning from others is just as important as learning from teachers . . . except we think we learned that from our teachers.
· We have learned about how we learn.
What Do You Need to Do or Learn Before You Go to College?
· We need to work on keeping an open mind.
· We would like to continue understanding the financial implications of going to college on me and on my family.
· We need to learn how to Balance a bank account, eat right, and find work/life balance – this last part sounded to me something like The Serenity Prayer.
Finally, and this gave me clear sense the conversation was authentic . . .
· We need to learn how to know when you can not go to class.
What Do You Hope for in Your Relationship
with Your Parents in the Next Few Months?
· We want our parents to continue trusting and supporting our decisions
· We want to acknowledge that we are entering into a new phase of our relationship that will feel like a testing period for a while.
· We want our relationship to stay as healthy as it presently is . . .
· We want to have empathy for our parent’s situation – we know this change could be hard for them.
Lastly . . .
· Freedom
There are some big ideas here. Some difficult, complex ideas here. Challenging ideas because they presume further conversation – conversation beyond tonight, but perhaps conversations that can echo for the next few months as you move further into all of the transitions still to come.
So I told you what I heard, and now I’ll tell you what I believe –
This senior class has some of the most thoughtful, confident, smart and compassionate young people you could ever hope to meet. They have inspired our entire school during their time here.
They come from homes filled with parents absolutely committed to their well-being, their growth, and to their success in every dimension of life.
In light of all of this I simply want to say Thank you – thank you parents for sharing your extraordinary children. Thank you seniors for being who you are, and for sharing some of your wisdom about your time at our school
Now I would like to ask Mr. Powell, our marvelous Upper School Head, to come and take us further into the evening. Mr. Powell . . . .
I cut the following out because of time (after all, the advisors only had 100 words, and we were assembled to hear their views).
What I have come to believe most about seniors, however, is really two-fold.
First, seniors cannot not be leaders. Put positively, you must be leaders in our community. Its structural – its built-in. Every 6th grader, every new student, every student who is younger than our seniors – so of course I mean everyone – looks to you and says “that is what it means to be a senior at this remarkable school we call Derryfield.” You’ve got a crucial role whether you want it or not – it comes with the territory, and I think it makes sense to simply embrace it and not resist it.
The second part of what I have come to believe about seniors is that it is very hard, maybe impossible, for a school to be stronger, more compassionate, more accomplished, than its oldest students. You simply carry the torch for us. You are at the front of the line, and it should be that way.
