Applications and Experiences

August 22, 2009

A few months ago our splendid college counselor, Brennan Barnard, forwarded me an article from the Wall Street Journal wherein college and university presidents were asked to complete the student application to their own school, presumably thereby getting greater insight into the potentially torturous college acceptance process. The resulting pieces were fun to read. I thought it was a terrific idea, so I asked that the five new employees we have at Derryfield this year “apply” (even though they were already accepted) to the school using our student application, and I plan to use the documents as a conversation piece in our faculty/staff start-up days.

It seemed only fair to turn the tables on myself, so I got The Derryfield School application and, admittedly, studied it like never before. Without a doubt I re-lived some of the fright that comes with staring at a blank page after questions like “Why do you think Derryfield is the right school for you?” or “List several adjectives or descriptive phrases that you feel accurately capture your strengths and weaknesses as a student and a person.” Where to begin? “I like school” seemed too benign, and “The mission and core values reflect my way of thinking” seemed too obtuse. Do you go with an attempt at humor that could fall flat (“Weaknesses: kryptonite”) or do you play it down the middle (“Strengths: Honest, empathetic”). Neither worked. I moved on, appreciative that I have a choice that our applying students do not.

Next came the imposing (was it the bold all-caps, or the declarative tone?) “ESSAY: Required of all applicants” and it became unthinkable not to comply. I decided to apply to our high school, and was met with the requirement to “choose ONE of the following topics:

1. Pretend you are sending yourself an e-mail from the year 2020. What have you been your successes? What have been your failures?” or
2. Evaluate a situation in your life that you wished you had handled differently. What did you learn from the experience?”

In the year 2020 I’ll be 58, and my hope is that e-mail will be a distant memory, like eight track tapes or Sanjaya is now. I moved to question number two, checked the instructions once more (“Choose one of the following topics and write a one-page essay”) and started. I hope I get in.

“Evaluate a situation in your life that you wished you had handled differently. What did you learn from the experience?”

In January of 2006 I finished a typically sweaty elliptical workout and, within a few minutes of getting off the machine, thought I had pulled a muscle around my left hip. After a few weeks I realized it was not getting better, so I thought about seeing a chiropractor. Two or three months after that I began seeing the chiropractor. The pain was getting worse, but I thought the twice-a-month treatments were helping. After a few months I moved to weekly. After a few months more I went twice a week for a few months. My wife saw me pulling myself up the banister one evening and she “It really isn’t getting better – why not go and get X-rays?” Her observation killed my determined belief that my hip was improving, and the X-rays made it clear that it would never improve by itself. You don’t need years of training to recognize a picture of two bones that should not be touching. The doctor was straightforward – I was a candidate for hip replacement surgery. I could suffer and hobble along, or I could make a decision that would lead to improvement. For reasons that still leave me wondering, I chose to suffer and hobble along. I had the surgery in October of 2008, and not until recently have I realized how
much of my life I missed for close to two years. I rediscovered the simple act of walking with my family this summer – around fairs and festivals, around town and campus, around the house – and, in that flash of recognition, re-evaluated the decision not to act. This summer in particular I realized I lost time – pain-free, serene, healthy, mostly non-limping time – that I will never get back. I am so grateful to have received extraordinary medical care, and wonderful support from family, friends and the Derryfield community . . . but I would handle the decision to delay differently. While it is understandable to want to delay (or was it to avoid?) something as scary as major surgery, I learned there is a normal existence waiting on the other side.

I’ll keep an eye out for the fat envelope.